Last day of the year and the decade ...

The past few weeks have been nothing but a whirlwind of doctor's appointments and waiting. Waiting for a treatment plan to materialize. My surgeon told me the tumor block had to be sent to California, not so that Arnold could kick it's ass, not so that it would fall of the party boat into Lake Havasu, but rather so that it could be analyzed and compared against the tumors of thousands of other women. Other women whose presentation and outcome might have been much different than mine. Other women who have gone before me, had surgery and treatments, whose outcomes had been measured and would now form the basis for my treatment.

Surgery on the 2nd meant that surely the tumor would be winging it's way West by the time of my first follow up with the surgeon. No, not December 11th. Surely I couldn't have believed it would go so quickly. There were labs to call, plans to be made. Well, then perhaps by the time I saw the oncologist on the 15th! Uhm, no, still not in the mail. However, we should know soon. Soon it was the 22nd and the radiation oncologist told me that no results were received as of yet. It is only on the eve of my next oncology appointment that I am informed that the tumor was sent the 18th. Three weeks after surgery. And with two weeks processing time it would be over a month until I knew the outcome. Disgusted I stayed home yesterday instead of making my appointment at the Dyson Center. The valet parking boys could park someone else's car. I was not playing the "how are you feeling? Fine. We have no information yet..." game.

So I wait. Today comes the call that I have to inform the lab in Ca. that it is okay to release the results to my MD. Apparently I can't have the results released to me. I have to wait yet another long weekend before I know what lies before me.

What a way to welcome the New Year. Waiting.

And so there may come a time when things change

I have spent the past 6 months in blissful ignorance. The work continues on my house. I now have a great new bedroom with a fabulous closet, something my old room lacked. The front of my house has been sided. Beautifully by my brother who took pride in designing the board and batten scheme. Interior walls have come down, floors have been changed, new lighting going up in the morning. My little cottage is almost finished and all should be well with the world.

I have spent more time these past few months with my brother and sister than I have in years. I have enjoyed every minute; our talks, sharing of memories, slide shows and dinner. Life was grand and I was in a good spot.

And then, a lump. A lump is all it was. One cm. Not much of a lump. How could I not have missed it? It isn't as though there is a family history of breast cancer. And besides at the same time our Pops was in the hospital having his own cancer surgery. One that involved PET scans and scares of monumental proportions. And our little sister had two lungs full of clots. That seemed to be enough for us to handle right now. And on top of it all I had already had cancer. An easy one. Thyroid. I jokingly told anyone who would listen that it was wise to pick out your cancer early as we'd all likely get it at some point in our lives. And I had beat them all to the punch by having thyroid cancer. Smug. That was me. Before last Tuesday.

I hopped out of the shower last week and in drying myself I felt a lump. It's not like I went looking for it. It presented itself to me, so I wouldn't miss it. All evening long I'd go back to that lump to see if it still survived. And it did. The morning brought a phone call to the breast surgeon and within a week I was diagnosed with breast cancer and had the tumor removed.

I sit home now wondering at how lucky I am. Had I missed the lump, had I ignored the lump, how different things would be. I am reminded of why I am here, what lesson I have been sent to learn. Don't covet, don't lust for that which is not yours. And keep your eyes open. You might miss something.