And so life goes on ....

You go Carol! I finally got my password issues resolved and am ready to dive into blogging again.

When we last left our heroine she was on the road to recovery from a slight touch of breast cancer. So much has happened in the meanwhile that it will be difficult to relate everything, but I shall try.

First moi. I am well. When I first completed my radiation course and went back to work I was overwhelmingly tired. I found it difficult to process even little things. Imagine the look on the face of the NYSDOH inspector who asked me the first day I was back on the job .... "So, there's a fire on the unit. What would you do? What are the steps?" "Uhm, .... see that window behind you there Joe? I'd be out it in a flash." I'm so thinking that's not the answer he was searching for. Thank goodness for the ability to laugh and my chemo cap. I do believe "Joe" realized quickly that I wasn't dealing with a full deck. Now my patients would fare better as I would call a code red, evacuate the building laterally while manning the command post on the floor. Ok, I'd probably hit the window, just like I said.

Yet on the heels of all of my becoming well again came great sadness. In late May, after years of chronic illness and pain I lost my mother. Actually, she's not lost at all but rather fills every empty space in my heart. Mom was an elegant, beautiful lady who'd spent her last 15 years in and out of hospitals and bravely faced her passing as she faced her life. Now she is the warm breezes which surround me in the summer and the cooler breezes which lift the coloured leaves to the skies. I miss you mom, so very much.

With such changes as I've faced come changes in what one is willing to put up with in life. I now find that relationships have changed, the need to listen to babble and nonsense is no longer a requirement and that I can pick and choose with whom I want to share my life. It's been a freeing feeling, no longer wondering what words might set off a reaction, trying to be supportive without being an enabler. Freedom is more than an other word for nothing left to loose ....

And it is during these times of change and growth that I have also found confidence in a new relationship. We are only in the beginning stages of rediscovering and will have to make decisions as time goes along ... who moves, who is willing to try something new. After what this past year has presented to me and how I feel coming out on the other side, I think things will work themselves out and all will be okay.